Rick Rypien

Hockey player Rick Rypien, born in 1984, was found dead in his home on Aug. 15. The death was deemed sudden, but there is no suspicion of foul play. It is widely believed to be a suicide. Rick has been battling depression for years.

In the hockey world, Rick is known for getting into fights against opposing team players. (Fighting is allowed in hockey, unlike in soccer. Hockey fighters would take off their gloves and then start punching their opponents. The hockey game would pause until the end of the fight.)

There was an editorial cartoon in one of the local newspapers. It showed Rick Rypien on an ice rink, in his hockey gear. The stadium had no roof; you could see the sky. Among the clouds, this is written: “Keep your gloves on kid… You don’t have to fight anymore.”

I cried.

Isle of Man

This postcard is part of this week’s selection on PostSecret.com:

Frank Warren, the website owner, used the file name “cage” for it. Right below it is the following postcard, aptly named “key”:

It definitely helps when there is someone to remind you (where “you” refers to a person with mental illness) that you are more than your disease. When the disease is in the brain, it is not easy to cure it by using your own brainpower. You can’t mind-over-matter your way out of it, although with practice, a mind-over-matter disposition can definitely help you cope.

However, I find it quite unfortunate that the presence of *someone* is necessary to sustain improvement. The novel Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho ends with Veronika deciding to make the most of her life, thanks to Eduard. The novel A Million Little Pieces by James Frey also has a redemptive ending, partly owed to the love between James and Lilly.

I wonder how many people don’t find their Eduard or their Lilly. I think it’s only normal for some people to overlook some other people, given how many people there are in the world.

What if “no man is an island” is false? What if people are like countries of the world? Maybe some people command attention, like the enormous Russia. Maybe others are always surrounded by other people, like the landlocked Laos. And maybe some people are, in fact, islands — exotic (mentally ill?) ones that you only sometimes notice.

Mental Illness movie night

I watched Black Swan tonight. I knew the basic plot, and I knew that the film had received critical acclaim as well as some negative feedback. I kind of expected the movie to fall flat, mostly because of the mixed reviews. Personally I think it was fucking fantastic. And also a little frightening. Isn’t it terrifying to suddenly find yourself holding a bloody, sharp object in your bloody hand and not know how it happened — or what happened? Anyway, Swan Lake was a perfect plot element. (I kinda wanna see an actual Swan Lake production now because of this movie.) I think Natalie Portman deserves all her awards for playing Nina. It was believable to me that Nina’s ballet world and mother brought her mental illness to a climax. I think the pieces fit, and the finished product was beautiful.

I also watched Country Strong. First off, I think Gwyneth Paltrow convincingly played her role. I liked the songs in the movie, and I think Gwyneth and Leighton Meester make good country singers. Anyway, I knew the movie was going to be a story about a fallen country star; I didn’t know the said star was a recovering alcoholic. I thought she was just outshone by a younger country singer or something. I didn’t expect the mental illness element. I would probably have enjoyed the movie better if it were your usual story about a has-been singer struggling to make a comeback. I thought it would send out a message of Keep Trying or maybe Family Is More Important Than Your Singing Career. You know, cliches. I was expecting cliches, and I would’ve been happy with cliches. But I didn’t get cliches. (Spoiler follows.) 

You’re worth it. L’Oreal says so.

I came across this website — Reasons to go on Living. “In the medical profession, we do not understand the process of transition from wanting to die to wanting to live. Understanding this process is critical to improving care for people who are suicidal and it is a difficult area to research because people need to share their innermost thoughts and feelings. We hope that by studying the stories this site is gathering, we will be able to develop better ways to help people who are suicidal. The project will help professionals who treat people who make a suicide attempt and will also offer public education and support by sharing some of the stories we receive. If you have a story about choosing life, we hope you will share it with us. We need your story to make The Reasons to go on Living Project a success.”

At least 103 stories have been sent in, but only 13 are up on the website so far. I’ve read all 13. My heart is full of emotions that I can’t identify right now. All I know is that I feel like giving all those ex-suicidals hugs.

iloveyou in sign language

I saw two episodes of If You Really Knew Me on MTV.

I want to be there for people who are contemplating suicide. I just want to be there. Not to teach or preach or anything. I just know how important it is to have someone there with you when you’re thinking of something like this.

Maybe I could do something like in If You Really Knew Me. But specific to the anti-suicide cause. Just because I understand it, and I feel like that understanding could help someone somehow.

I win.

Lifted from The Other Side of Madness: